milady
safi 3yyiiiiiiiiiiiiiite
toooo funny, maybe more for cat people 
Cat's Diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction that I get from clawing their furniture. Tomorrow I will
eat another houseplant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded— must try this at the top of the
stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must remember
to try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmmm, that did not work according to plan…
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was
due to my powers of inducing "allergies." I must learn what this is
and how I may use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an
informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to current placement in the metal room, his safety is
unfortunately assured.
But I am patient, I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Cat's Diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction that I get from clawing their furniture. Tomorrow I will
eat another houseplant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded— must try this at the top of the
stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must remember
to try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmmm, that did not work according to plan…
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was
due to my powers of inducing "allergies." I must learn what this is
and how I may use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an
informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to current placement in the metal room, his safety is
unfortunately assured.
But I am patient, I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
