Cover letter à me corriger

Bonjour à tous !

Pouvez-vous s'il vous plait corriger ma lettre de motivation qui est en anglais.


Dear Mr. James,

I am writing to apply for the I.T administrator position advertised in the PAHrtners. In fact, the opportunity presented in this listing is very interesting, and I believe that my strong technical experience and education will make me a very competitive candidate for this position.

With a engineering degree in Computer Programming, i gained a wealth of knowledge in network administrator and had experiences with a server virtualization like Vmware or Docker. I maintained, installed and fixed both software and hardware, performed extensive system updates and improved the IT networks of two separate organizations. Furthermore, my background, qualification and work experience in networking, systems
engineering, and security appear to be well suited to your company's specific requirements.

Due to my experience in working with Windows, Apple and Linux, i had to face up difficulties and thanks to this i learned to be rigorous, autonomous and confident in my work. Mostly, I am very enthusiastic about the possibility of joining your company, i believe i can apply the skills obtained from my previous employment to this position and would welcome the opportunity to contribute to your continued success.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I have enclosed a copy of my CV and I hope you will find my skills and qualifications suitable for your further consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,


Merci d'avance !
 
Dernière modification par un modérateur:

Southpaw

Rebel without a Cause
Bonjour à tous !

Pouvez-vous s'il vous plait corriger ma lettre de motivation qui est en anglais.


Dear Mr. James,

I am writing to apply for the I.T administrator position advertised in the PAHrtners. In fact, the opportunity presented in this listing is very interesting, and I believe that my strong technical experience and education will make me a very competitive candidate for this position.

With a engineering degree in Computer Programming, i gained a wealth of knowledge in network administrator and had experiences with a server virtualization like Vmware or Docker. I maintained, installed and fixed both software and hardware, performed extensive system updates and improved the IT networks of two separate organizations. Furthermore, my background, qualification and work experience in networking, systems
engineering, and security appear to be well suited to your company's specific requirements.

Due to my experience in working with Windows, Apple and Linux, i had to face up difficulties and thanks to this i learned to be rigorous, autonomous and confident in my work. Mostly, I am very enthusiastic about the possibility of joining your company, i believe i can apply the skills obtained from my previous employment to this position and would welcome the opportunity to contribute to your continued success.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I have enclosed a copy of my CV and I hope you will find my skills and qualifications suitable for your further consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,


Merci d'avance !
Hi
If you want my opinion.
Take the french out and cut your cover letter in half.
It's too long.
The cover letter should be precise at the point so an executive can read it fast and decide.
Make your point small talk but exact.
As for your resume
The same.
Don't go overboard.
You talk too much in your cover letter but not enough credentials.
Stay at the level
Til you get in.
Otherwise you won't get in.
Once in it becomes all up to you.
My advise.
Ps.
I haven't seen your resume yet.
 
Dernière édition:
Hi
If you want my opinion.
Take the french out and cut your cover letter in half.
It's too long.
The cover letter should be precise at the point so an executive can read it fast and decide.
Make your point small talk but exact.
As for your resume
The same.
Don't go overboard.
You talk too much in your cover letter but not enough credentials.
Stay at the level
Til you get in.
Otherwise you won't get in.
Once in it becomes all up to you.
My advise.
Ps.
I haven't seen your resume yet.

As much as i dislike to agree with you, i must admit you are right .
 
Bonjour à tous !

Pouvez-vous s'il vous plait corriger ma lettre de motivation qui est en anglais.


Dear Mr. James,

I am writing to apply for the I.T administrator position advertised in the PAHrtners. In fact, the opportunity presented in this listing is very interesting, and I believe that my strong technical experience and education will make me a very competitive candidate for this position.

With a engineering degree in Computer Programming, i gained a wealth of knowledge in network administrator and had experiences with a server virtualization like Vmware or Docker. I maintained, installed and fixed both software and hardware, performed extensive system updates and improved the IT networks of two separate organizations. Furthermore, my background, qualification and work experience in networking, systems
engineering, and security appear to be well suited to your company's specific requirements.

Due to my experience in working with Windows, Apple and Linux, i had to face up difficulties and thanks to this i learned to be rigorous, autonomous and confident in my work. Mostly, I am very enthusiastic about the possibility of joining your company, i believe i can apply the skills obtained from my previous employment to this position and would welcome the opportunity to contribute to your continued success.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I have enclosed a copy of my CV and I hope you will find my skills and qualifications suitable for your further consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,


Merci d'avance !

Tu dois d’abord choisir la langue dans laquelle tu vas écrire, anglais US ou anglais UK, plus haut tu mélanges les deux.
Advertised ou advertized et virtualization ou virtualisation...
Évite les past et passive tenses, ‘With an engineering degree in Computer Programming, I gained a wealth of knowledge....’
Donne ton diplôme
I have a Master’s degree in Computer Programming from XYZ university
Tu as acquis des connaissances en faisant quoi? Nomme les sociétés et le combien de temps tu est resté avec eux.
Futhermore..... requirements... tu as décidé que tu leur conviens. Remouline moi ça après je te corrigerais l’anglais et les tournures de phrases.
 

Southpaw

Rebel without a Cause
@tamtam78
Your cover letter is very eloquent and you don't need no help to correct it.
But in corporate America or England no one has time to read the whole story of your life in a resume.
Like i said,
make it shorter but precise.
Good luck.
 
Dernière édition:

Southpaw

Rebel without a Cause
SOUTHPAW....sois sympa avec le type il y a des fautes d’anglais et s’expression, ne lui dit pas que c 100% bon !
C'est a toi de corriger ses fautes
d' orthographe..
T'es plus perfectioniste .
En francais et en Anglais.
Moi
Ooof
Tant qu'on me comprend je suis happy.
Je melange tout
darija francais anglais..
Had shi li 3ta llah.
 

Southpaw

Rebel without a Cause
Apparement t'as jamais posé un CV aux states...
Un CV est pour ceux qui cherchent du travail.
Moi, j'etais recrute .
In the US companies go to universities to recruit young students with potential and credentials.
I was one of them.
And yes i did send a lot of resumes to companies in my field.
Now people send me resumes.

As for i mix darija francais and English, that's when im not at work and with my family .
they need to learn our culture.
At work English only.
At home most of the time.
i have to teach my family darija and im not fluent at it :)
 
Dernière édition:
Un CV est pour ceux qui cherchent du travail.
Moi, j'etais recrute .
In the US companies go to universities to recruit young students with potential and credentials.
I was one of them.
And yes i did send a lot of resumes to companies in my field.
Now people send me resumes.

As for i mix darija francais and English, that's when im not at work and with my family .
they need to learn our culture.
At work English only.
At home most of the time.
i have to teach my family darija and im not fluent at it :)

At work English only :D:D of course English only, your on the East coast not in Florida !
 
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