don't know what to do

  • Initiateur de la discussion Initiateur de la discussion pearl69
  • Date de début Date de début
P

pearl69

well.........
I 've got a big problem and I don't want to speak about it in french
(i don't want people to recognize me, mostly one person... )

My cousin just lost his wife in an accident, it was a month ago they had two children :5 years old and 3 months old

my parents are gone to Morocco so I am alone, and this cousin called me, I thought it was for asking if they arrived well, but he finished by saying "pray for us"
(I was afraid about the meaning of this sentence but I said to myself he must be talking about him and his children)

he called me 5 days later I was also thinking it was for having some news but we were just speaking about all and nothing : family, our job ....before hanging up he asked me for my cell phone number I was :eek: but I gave it to him

he sent me a message on the journey, called me on my cell phone and at home but I didn't hang on ......


what do you think it means ?

I am so choked, I was crying yesterday and today too 'cause I am so afraid that it means what I think it means

is there any one to speak with me ? I feel so bad...........
 
pearl69 a dit:
well.........
I 've got a big problem and I don't want to speak about it in french
(i don't want people to recognize me, mostly one... )

My cousin just lost his wife in an accident, it was a month ago they had two children :5 years and 3 months

my parents are gone to Morocco so I am alone, and this cousin called me, I thought it was for asking if they arrived well, but he finished by saying "pray for us"
(I was afraid about the meaning of this sentence but I said to myself he must be talking about him and his children)

he called me 5 days later I was also thinking it was for having some news but we were just speaking about all and nothing : family, our job ....before hanging up he asked me for my cell phone number I was :eek: but I gave it to him

he sent me a message on the journey, called me on my cell phone and at home but I didn't hang on ......


what do you think it means ?

I am so choked, I was crying yesterday and today too 'cause I am so afraid that it means what I think it means

is there any one to speak with me ? I feel so bad...........
Cliquez pour agrandir...

Maybe he's just feeling alone, and needs someone....just to talk. It's probably hard for him to take care of everything now that his wife's passed away. Talking to someone may help.
But if you think he's planning to ask you to marry him, to be a mom for his 3 months baby...etc, there's no need to panic either, you just say, sorry I can't.
 
pearl69 a dit:
well.........
I 've got a big problem and I don't want to speak about it in french
(i don't want people to recognize me, mostly one... )

My cousin just lost his wife in an accident, it was a month ago they had two children :5 years and 3 months

my parents are gone to Morocco so I am alone, and this cousin called me, I thought it was for asking if they arrived well, but he finished by saying "pray for us"
(I was afraid about the meaning of this sentence but I said to myself he must be talking about him and his children)

he called me 5 days later I was also thinking it was for having some news but we were just speaking about all and nothing : family, our job ....before hanging up he asked me for my cell phone number I was :eek: but I gave it to him

he sent me a message on the journey, called me on my cell phone and at home but I didn't hang on ......


what do you think it means ?

I am so choked, I was crying yesterday and today too 'cause I am so afraid that it means what I think it means

is there any one to speak with me ? I feel so bad...........
Cliquez pour agrandir...

You are afraid by what ? for your family, you think that he wants to marry with you ... your story is strange and I m not sure to inderstand what is the real problem ....
 
milady a dit:
Maybe he's just feeling alone, and needs someone....just to talk. It's probably hard for him to take care of everything now that his wife's passed away. Talking to someone may help.
But if you think he's planning to ask you to marry him, to be a mom for his 3 months baby...etc, there's no need to panic either, you just say, sorry I can't.
Cliquez pour agrandir...

that's what i first thought but he is calling me too much, sending me messages to say take care and good night....things he was never doing before, he was more talking with my brothers and my parents even with me but when all the family was there
I don't know if you know what I mean.....

it's just that he suffered too much 'cause I know he loved his wife very much
and I don't want to hurt him again
and I don't understand why he is doing that only a month after
I am lost ....
 
vanichoco a dit:
You are afraid by what ? for your family, you think that he wants to marry with you ... your story is strange and I m not sure to inderstand what is the real problem ....
Cliquez pour agrandir...

I am afraid he wants to marry me
I don't understand it can happen only a month after his wife died
afraid that all the family knows
afraid to have to hurt him a time so short after what he lived ....
 
pearl69 a dit:
that's what i first thought but he is calling me too much, sending me messages to say take care and good night....things he was never doing before, he was more talking with my brothers and my parents even with me but when all the family was there
I don't know if you know what I mean.....

it's just that he suffered too much 'cause I know he loved his wife very much
and I don't want to hurt him again
and I don't understand why he is doing that only a month after
I am lost ....
Cliquez pour agrandir...

He has a baby, 3 months, every father would that early of having someone with him to take care of the baby. He can't do it alone. Single moms can handle much easier than single dads.
 
milady a dit:
He has a baby, 3 months, every father would that early of having someone with him to take care of the baby. He can't do it alone. Single moms can handle much easier than single dads.
Cliquez pour agrandir...

he 's got a baby ,3 months old, and a child ,5 years old,

but even the 40 days are'nt passed !!
and I have seen him crying.... being so bad when it happens.... I never thought he could overcome this !!!

the children are with his sisters for the moment

I don't know what to do if he calls me again .........
but if it's help that he need I don't want to drop him
 
he may need some warmth .It is difficult for him to undergo what he endured so even if he is planning to marry you it does not make him a serial killer either but of you do not want just hang on for god's sake and be cold he will undoubtedley understans little by little ans things are clear he cannot marry you forcibly so do what you like to do it is up to you
 
altruiste a dit:
he may need some warmth .It is difficult for him to undergo what he endured so even if he is planning to marry you it does not make him a serial killer either but of you do not want just hang on for god's sake and be cold he will undoubtedley understans little by little ans things are clear he cannot marry you forcibly so do what you like to do it is up to you
Cliquez pour agrandir...

I never said he was a serial killer, or what he is doing is wrong, I just think it's soon

and I feel bad because I 'd like to be there for him instead of hurting him once more

I don't know what to do or say because I don't want to spoil our relation he is my cousin and I love him like my brother
 
tell me ? it is little bit concerning you personnally would your damn feelings change for him ? or are you sure you will keep the position of a sister - brother ? things may change but if you're sure do not hurt him because he 's had enough and help him as you said by being there for him but things could chang if you take this commitment any way good luck and my condolences for him and the orphans
 
altruiste a dit:
tell me ? it is little bit concerning you personnally would your damn feelings change for him ? or are you sure you will keep the position of a sister - brother ? things may change but if you're sure do not hurt him because he 's had enough and help him as you said by being there for him but things could chang if you take this commitment any way good luck and my condolences for him and the orphans
Cliquez pour agrandir...

No my feelings won't change

I'll try not to hurt him and hope that the fact I didn't answer to his messages and did not hang on the phone today will make him change his mind about me
I wouldn't like to have to tell him straight

thank you
 
things must remain clear, if you like him like a brother he has the right to know it.the last thing he needs in such a situation is hoping things he ll never have.even if you have to be straight it ll hurt less .good luck
 
if you don't know, don't do.

l m sorry l can' t speak english to explain you what l mean.
 
pearl69 a dit:
well.........
I 've got a big problem and I don't want to speak about it in french
(i don't want people to recognize me, mostly one person... )

My cousin just lost his wife in an accident, it was a month ago they had two children :5 years old and 3 months old

my parents are gone to Morocco so I am alone, and this cousin called me, I thought it was for asking if they arrived well, but he finished by saying "pray for us"
(I was afraid about the meaning of this sentence but I said to myself he must be talking about him and his children)

he called me 5 days later I was also thinking it was for having some news but we were just speaking about all and nothing : family, our job ....before hanging up he asked me for my cell phone number I was :eek: but I gave it to him

he sent me a message on the journey, called me on my cell phone and at home but I didn't hang on ......


what do you think it means ?

I am so choked, I was crying yesterday and today too 'cause I am so afraid that it means what I think it means

is there any one to speak with me ? I feel so bad...........
Cliquez pour agrandir...

I think Milady's answer is the right one: No need to feel bad, just say no. You're not supposed to think about what the other feels if you won't be able to help him without putting yourself into a difficult and unwanted situation.

Maybe you should talk to your mother about this.
 
pearl69 a dit:
that's what i first thought but he is calling me too much, sending me messages to say take care and good night....things he was never doing before, he was more talking with my brothers and my parents even with me but when all the family was there
I don't know if you know what I mean.....

it's just that he suffered too much 'cause I know he loved his wife very much
and I don't want to hurt him again
and I don't understand why he is doing that only a month after
I am lost ....
Cliquez pour agrandir...


He's in pain...He's hurting....Don't give him any kind of false hope(by answering his phone calls)....and don't permit him to spread false impressions about you and the situation between you.
If you want to stop it,you're going to have to be cruel to be kind......spell out clearly what you think and how you feel about him.It will hurt (maybe)....but at least he needs to know how you feel.
The longer you're there for him,The more dependent he will become on you.And complacent and feeling entiltled to being taken care of by you.
 
pearl69 a dit:
No my feelings won't change

I'll try not to hurt him and hope that the fact I didn't answer to his messages and did not hang on the phone today will make him change his mind about me
I wouldn't like to have to tell him straight

thank you
Cliquez pour agrandir...

No...I think you need to talk to him,give him a reason(because you care about him)...sometimes a good,legitimate reason is enough to make the other person fells better,help him understand the reason behind your decision for not wanting him as a husband or what have you.
 
@ Bodia, Sempro, Pirouettete and Cuty-pie

your advice meets: I have to be honnest with him even if I hurt him,
I think you are right but I can't for the moment because he didn't say things clearly

He calls me two times today and left me a message telling me to call him back 'cause he's worrying not to have news
I just send him a message saying I 'm fine don't worry

no more news from this moment.......
 
cuty-pie a dit:
I'm afraid you're just imagining things.:rolleyes:
Cliquez pour agrandir...

No I don't think I'm imagining things because I felt a change

Before that, he would never call me just to talk.When he did, it was for asking for news or he spoke to my parents but not to me (moreover to talk about all and nothing)

He asked me for my cell phone number
Sent me messages saying that speaking to me give him some "baume au coeur" Keep repeating me that he trust in me
He calls me two times a day and say that he's worrying not to have news from a day while before it could pass a month or two without seeing each other or speak to each other

At first I thought like you but I don't do anymore
 
pearl69 a dit:
No I don't think I'm imagining things because I felt a change

Before that, he would never call me just to talk.When he did, it was for asking for news or he spoke to my parents but not to me (moreover to talk about all and nothing)

He asked me for my cell phone number
Sent me messages saying that speaking to me give him some "baume au coeur" Keep repeating me that he trust in me
He calls me two times a day and say that he's worrying not to have news from a day while before it could pass a month or two without seeing each other or speak to each other

At first I thought like you but I don't do anymore
Cliquez pour agrandir...



Well you sound like you're aware of what ever game he's playing.If you're not strong enough to confront him go ahead and ignore him.

Good luck.
 
I'm sorry I have to develop in french because I'm not good to speak in english (vla les fautes, desolée les yeux !)

I'll trying to explain without ... the secret ! :rouge: (t'as compris)

je comprend que tu sois aussi mal à l'aise
je le serais tout autant que toi
et j'aurais peur aussi ?
le fait est que cette personne traverse une periode difficile et que tu penses ne pas avoir à en rajouter une couche en lui disant tout .... mais tu ne peus pas la laisser esperer non plus
peut-être comprendra-t-elle que tu n'as pas les epaules pour assumer ce qu'elle te laisse entendre (et Mon Dieu comme ça doit être flippant ce qu'elle tedemande, trop d'un coup)

jen'aide pas vraiment mais bon
si tu veux en discuter en mp ... jeserais moins amladroite en anglais ET en français !

et si tu veux que je supprimes, inayit ! ;)
 
cuty-pie a dit:
Well you sound like you're aware of what ever game he's playing.If you're not strong enough to confront him go ahead and ignore him.

Good luck.
Cliquez pour agrandir...

If he tells me more clear I'll be honnest and I'll tell him my feelings but if he doesn't I'll ignore him

thank you

cookdating a dit:
I'm sorry I have to develop in french because I'm not good to speak in english (vla les fautes, desolée les yeux !)

I'll trying to explain without ... the secret ! :rouge: (t'as compris)

je comprend que tu sois aussi mal à l'aise
je le serais tout autant que toi
et j'aurais peur aussi ?
le fait est que cette personne traverse une periode difficile et que tu penses ne pas avoir à en rajouter une couche en lui disant tout .... mais tu ne peus pas la laisser esperer non plus
peut-être comprendra-t-elle que tu n'as pas les epaules pour assumer ce qu'elle te laisse entendre (et Mon Dieu comme ça doit être flippant ce qu'elle tedemande, trop d'un coup)

jen'aide pas vraiment mais bon
si tu veux en discuter en mp ... jeserais moins amladroite en anglais ET en français !

et si tu veux que je supprimes, inayit ! ;)
Cliquez pour agrandir...

you traduct my feelings well in french !!
I think I am that afraid because I am surprised

ok for the mp but not tonight I'm gonna go to bed

no need to erase, ma3lich oua nfehame cha

good night !!
 
pearl69 a dit:
well.........
I 've got a big problem and I don't want to speak about it in french
(i don't want people to recognize me, mostly one person... )

My cousin just lost his wife in an accident, it was a month ago they had two children :5 years old and 3 months old

my parents are gone to Morocco so I am alone, and this cousin called me, I thought it was for asking if they arrived well, but he finished by saying "pray for us"
(I was afraid about the meaning of this sentence but I said to myself he must be talking about him and his children)

he called me 5 days later I was also thinking it was for having some news but we were just speaking about all and nothing : family, our job ....before hanging up he asked me for my cell phone number I was :eek: but I gave it to him

he sent me a message on the journey, called me on my cell phone and at home but I didn't hang on ......


what do you think it means ?

I am so choked, I was crying yesterday and today too 'cause I am so afraid that it means what I think it means

is there any one to speak with me ? I feel so bad...........
Cliquez pour agrandir...

Avant de te la péter b'langlais m3a douk les abbréviations anglicistes , t3alem ba3da lfer9 bin ''hang up'' ou ''hang on''...
 
pearl69 a dit:
I am afraid he wants to marry me
I don't understand it can happen only a month after his wife died
afraid that all the family knows
afraid to have to hurt him a time so short after what he lived ....
Cliquez pour agrandir...

Hello pearl! It seems to me there are many things to say about your story:your cousin was probably already in love with you while his wife was still living.It's very hard for her memory-lla ir7hmha- but how could you be involved in that.It looks like destiny helped him getting rid of her!The point that should,in my opinion,matter for you is wether you're in love with him or not and I'm afraid not.So you would have hurt him the same way, if he had proposed you to leave his wife and marry you.Once again,if his wife's death was a real mourn for him he wouldn't make you understand he's in love with you.But are you sure not to feel the same towards him?Did you want him to wait a little more before revealing his feelings.If yes,then I can understand your tears.
 
Flane a dit:
Hello pearl! It seems to me there are many things to say about your story:your cousin was probably already in love with you while his wife was still living.It's very hard for her memory-lla ir7hmha- but how could you be involved in that.It looks like destiny helped him getting rid of her!The point that should,in my opinion,matter for you is wether you're in love with him or not and I'm afraid not.So you would have hurt him the same way, if he had proposed you to leave his wife and marry you.Once again,if his wife's death was a real mourn for him he wouldn't make you understand he's in love with you.But are you sure not to feel the same towards him?Did you want him to wait a little more before revealing his feelings.If yes,then I can understand your tears.
Cliquez pour agrandir...

hello

Ididn't think that this post could be upped (remonté) 4 months after....

since then I told my sister about all that and she told me that it was obvious thas he really appreciate me .......... but I 'm sure that it was not love and that he really loved his wife ( he 's not well up to now )

No I'm not in love with him, I really like him 'cause he is a very good guy but I just considere him like a brother
I cried because :I knew his wife who was a very nice person too......I didn't want to hurt him more than he was ............I felt guilty and sad for the two litle children


Today I think that he was only thinking about his children because they are young and he is working he can not take care of them alone ....
 
pearl69 a dit:
hello

Ididn't think that this post could be upped (remonté) 4 months after....

since then I told my sister about all that and she told me that it was obvious thas he really appreciate me .......... but I 'm sure that it was not love and that he really loved his wife ( he 's not well up to now )

No I'm not in love with him, I really like him 'cause he is a very good guy but I just considere him like a brother
I cried because :I knew his wife who was a very nice person too......I didn't want to hurt him more than he was ............I felt guilty and sad for the two litle children


Today I think that he was only thinking about his children because they are young and he is working he can not take care of them alone ....
Cliquez pour agrandir...

I beg your pardon but I didn't see the date of your post.Still,Icannot figure getting married to a women just because I'm seeking for somebody helping me raise my children.
 
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