The lightbulb jokes thread

farid_h

<defunct>
Contributeur
Q: How many Bill Gates' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.

Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

Q: How many MicroSoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.

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Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

Q: How many executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A roomful - they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the ramifications of the change.

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Q: How many law professors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Well, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
A: It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.
A: Three. One to change it and 2 to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection !"
A: None, lawyers only screw us.
A: Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...
A: Three-one to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

Q: How many Local Government Officials does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty, one to change the light bulb and 49 to carry out a fact finding mission to Barbados to see how they change light bulbs there.

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Q: How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs, it's cheaper to sit in the dark

Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away, without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it, one to accuse its owners of mistreating it, one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next 6 months, and one to eventually bring it back and say it was all done with the lightbulb's best interests at heart.
A: Four. One to change the bulb, one to counsel the old bulb because it's been thrown away by an uncaring society, one to arrange the case conference and one to make sure they are all following the correct working practice.
 

farid_h

<defunct>
Contributeur
Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it, and one of them can change the bulb while he's at it.

Q: How many road workmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five, one to change the light bulb and four to lean on their shovels and watch the one working.

Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Who wants to know ?
A: Just what exactly do you mean by that, huh ?

Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the old one is probably screwed in too tight.
A: None, it's a waste of time because the new bulb probably won't work either.

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
A: Define "lightbulb".....

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... ... and one to change the bulb.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

Q: How many presidential family members does it take to screw in a light bulb in the White House?
A: Two, Hillary for her office, Bill for the rest of the White House.

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but the lightbulb must want to change.
A: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
A: How long have you been having this phantasy ?
A: How many do *you* think it takes?
 

farid_h

<defunct>
Contributeur
Q: How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've just cashed up.

Q: How many Censors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to ---- ------- ----- and another to ---- ----- ---- while ---- ---- - - -----with a ------

Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. The invisible hand does it.
A: None. "There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the lightbulb lighting up again."
A: None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter !!!

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Q: How many country & western singers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.

Q: How many IKEA shop assistans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Sorry, we ran out of light bulb stock. We expect it to arrive early next month. We do have ladders though! You just go straight on, then left and then right. No, thanks, anytime."

Q: How many inner-city gang members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four-one to rob the liquor store to get money for the bulb, one to drive the getaway car, one to screw it in, and one to hold his crack pipe while he does it.

Q: How many Waiters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, even a burned out bulb can't catch a waiters eye

Q: How many waitresses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. Two to stand around bitching about it and one to go get the manager.

Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
 

farid_h

<defunct>
Contributeur
Now please add your own lightbulb jokes here... as in:

Q: how many bladinauts does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: .... ?
 

farid_h

<defunct>
Contributeur
Change????...bladinautes??...naaaaa!!!

Okay, let's try (don't take it seriously, I'm only joking):

Q: How many bladinauts does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fourteen. One to post a new thread that Morocco needs replacing a dead light bulb. Four to complain that the Makhzen replaces only its own light bulbs, and doesn't care for the popular light bulbs. Two to reply that we have more light bulbs in Morocco than in Algeria anyway. Six to angrily reply that Algerian light bulbs last longer than Moroccan light bulbs, because they don't shine on Zionists like the Moroccan ones. One moderator to hold the thread until people cool down... and to replace the light bulb him/herself.

A: Eleven tried, but none managed to replace it. One to link to an article that the only light bulb in a small village in the Atlas has just died and needs replacement. Three to complain that light bulbs don't come with replacement instructions in Tamazight, and that Amazighs are thus being oppressed in their own country. Four to reply that light bulbs are of the devil and were never mentioned in the Holy Qur'an, and that we should use candles instead. Two to object and complain that the Turkish AKP has a light bulb symbol, while the Moroccan PJD knows only candles. One to close the thread by posting another article saying that the light bulb has been replaced.

A: Zero. One to report that a light bulb in the medina needs replacement, but that there aren't any spare parts available. Five MRE to write that they'd gladly bring light bulbs with them on their next vacation... if only they could find them in stores in Europe which banished them. Two MREs to complain that customs officers confiscated their light bulbs and that they'll never bring more light bulbs to Morocco. Four MRMs to bitch about MREs being arrogant and that MRMs could replace light bulbs without their help anyway. One moderator to freeze the thread indefinitely, while the defect light bulb in the medina gets replaced by an energy efficient bulb from the black market on the outskirts of Ceuta/Sebta.
 
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